We all Recognize a 'Teenager' When We See One

2006-10 In my neighbourhood the teenagers are everywhere. Lingering here and loitering there and looking innocent whenever they catch your eye. They walk through the fields with a graceful arrogance because they know full well that the world belongs to them. They wander across the roads at will, stopping in the center and watching with amusement as you slow to a crawl and edge past them. They show no respect at all for fences or 'keep out' signs and simply trespass wherever the mood takes them. They leave a path of destruction, and worse, as they saunter through your garden, helping themselves to vegetables and flowers alike. Nothing seems to deter them, and they have no conscience. Listening to your bellowed threats and watching your waving arms seems to be their idea of an afternoon's entertainment. Friends from the city say, 'But they are so cute, with their big brown eyes and long legs." Wrong. They were cute when they were fawns, but now that they are teenagers, with great long legs that can propel them over any fence and an appetite that has no limit -' cute' is not the word I use. Like every other species of 'teenager', while their legs and bodies are growing and growing almost daily, their brains seem to be stuck on 'kindergarten'. Places that are marked as out of bounds are the places they want to go, and anything that looks like food is meant to be eaten. The more you try to demonstrate that some things are not to be touched the more determined they are to get to them. It all sounds very familiar to any parent, I'm sure. Last year they ate their way through my vegetable garden (not that there was much there) so I fixed them good! I brought in a backhoe and wiped out the garden - that taught them who was the boss! However, while I was willing to sacrifice the zucchini and the turnips, I did want my flowers, so I asked for help from seasoned growers. Farming friends recommended spraying the flowers with noxious tasting 'pepper water' made with diluted hot sauce, or a foul smelling concoction based on blood - it is war, after all! These did work for a while, but of course they wash off when it rains and it makes you think twice before you turn on the sprinklers. It seems we have a choice between lush roses that smell like a Mexican slaughterhouse, or dry, wizened up little plants that are parched for water. Those folks who imagine that gardening is a gentle and carefree existence have never ventured into our little corner of the world. I do have a question, though, for any biologist who might be reading this and nodding his/her head. Do deer see colour? They seem to prefer the pink roses to the yellow ones; in as far as they eat the pink ones first. I took a chance and set out an assortment of large ceramic pots filled with flowers and my deer, at least, seem to not want the geraniums (this is a good thing) or most of the other basket-type plants, except for one that had pretty blue blossoms. They went to that one flowerpot and ate every blue blossom there - but nothing else. To give credit where credit is due, the plant looked as if a person with small nail scissors had carefully snipped off each and every flower. Nothing was pulled out, nothing was torn, each stem was snipped clean and sharp. If anyone has an explanation I would enjoy hearing it. Next year the blue flowers go into the hanging baskets and the geraniums remain on the ground. Moving away from the blood and violence of flower gardens, let's look at what the fall season offers us, here in the valley. Pumpkin and harvest festivals, of course, are everywhere and Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Scanning all the choices on the 'travel destinations' list I thought that Thanksgiving at Fort Steele looked pretty interesting. You can enjoy the special 'old fashioned' dinner in the restored hotel after taking advantage of the ride on the steam train. Then there are all the Oktoberfests to enjoy, with the polka bands playing non stop as the rye bread and the sausages are washed down with rivers of ale and beer (other beverages, too, if beer is not your choice). Halloween comes next and we have 'Ghostly Galas' to enjoy along with a special Halloween at Barkerville. I imagine that the ghosts there, being rough and tough gold miners who made it up the Fraser Canyon on foot or mule back, would be more frightening that city ghosts. They could certainly be a lot of fun to talk to. If you are still feeling brave you might want to test your courage on one of the special 'ghost walks' offered in the haunted alleyways of Vernon. If you can't get out to take in the ghost stories, then be sure to treat yourself to a big piece of pumpkin pie. Pumpkin is a vegetable, after all, so pumpkin pie doesn't count as dessert - have two pieces! - Pat Archibald, Editor -

 

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