'Nurture Yourself While Helping Others'

2005-06- by Susan McIver - Jean Brosseuk, facilitator of Good Grief, a grief support group in Penticton, lives her motto - 'nurture yourself while helping others'. Nine years ago Jean's world was turned upside down when her 36-year old son, Kim, died in the Emergency Room of Penticton Regional Hospital of drug-related causes. The coroner was never able to determine if Kim's death was a suicide, accident or homicide, which made things even more difficult for his family. Jean had already experienced the deaths of her parents and two brothers, but her son's death was of a totally different magnitude. When a neighbour whose adult son had also died, invited Jean to a meeting of The Compassionate Friends, she quickly accepted. The Compassionate Friends is an international support group for parents who have lost children of any age. Jean's husband, Tom, and their two other adult sons threw themselves into work as a way of dealing with their grief. After awhile Jean realized that the monthly Compassionate Friends' meetings weren't enough, so she began participating in a newly formed weekly grief group that later became known as Good Grief. In the fall of 1999, when the position of the group's facilitator became available, Jean volunteered. "I am not a trained counselor or a therapist - just someone who has been there," she said. To help understand the grief process she has attended seminars, participated in workshops and read widely. In the past six years, approximately 200 people have attended Good Grief. Some come for only a short time and receive what they need or realize the group isn't for them. Others may attend for several years. "My reward is watching people put their lives back together," Jean said. She remembers a woman in her 70's who was unable to speak when she first attended Good Grief. Her husband had died and she was estranged from her adult children. As time went by, she made amends with her children and now lives near them in Florida. One day the daughter of a woman who had attended the group some years previously called Jean to say that her mother had passed away and to invite her to a family memorial service. "I was treated like a celebrity with people telling me how much the deceased woman had gained from the group. I had no idea I was having such an effect," Jean said. In June 2004, Tom's death from cancer ended his 46-year marriage to Jean. Tom was there to support Jean when their son died, but now she has to go it alone. "I was a wild woman after Kim died, but this time I am handling the grief better because I've gone through it with so many people," Jean said. She also knows the dark days aren't going to last forever. All the while she continues to help others through their own grief. Jean's Tips for the Bereaved *Seek out other people including those in support groups who have been through what you are experiencing. · To help you find a support group ask your doctor, funeral director or religious leader or call the Crisis line. · Remember that you're not crazy even though you feel that way some days. · Engage in physical exercise within your limitations - walking, swimming, gardening and other physical work Be patient and gentle with yourself

 

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